My achey breaky heart

Hello folks, gosh it’s been a long time. Every night I’ve been wanting to write and then – I fall asleep. Yes, I am still in bed at 8pm, Rock’n’Roll baby. 

A lot has happened since my last post. A LOT. 

Doctors have discovered the cause for my stroke, and for me that’s quite a biggie. I have a hole in my heart. An actual hole. Also, I’ve had it for 41 years, eg I was born with it. My son was born with it too, but his closed by itself luckily. Mine hasn’t. 

This news fills me with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am overwhelmingly relieved. A real diagnosis. A medical fact. I am not psychologically weak and couldn’t cope with the stresses of life, no, I have a “connection” between my two atria, that’s what they call it, a connection where there shouldn’t be one. Apparently, a blood clot, and you form hundreds of them naturally a day but they get filtered out, didn’t get filtered out and ended up in a highway of arteries where it shouldn’t have gone, and then up to my brain, and there it caused some damage. Naughty. So, yes, I am relieved mainly, that I now have a bona fide pathological reason for my stroke… BUT

I am also terrified. I would lie if I said that I am not thinking about it, or worrying. Every time I sneeze I fear this hole will rip open and cause another CVA. Or cardiac arrest. Or death. Yes, these are exactly my thoughts, and sometimes it makes life a little bit harder to enjoy, when you have this hanging over you. Apparently, I shouldn’t worry (errrm, ok, I’ll try), according to the cardiologist my blood is so thinned down, I can’t really form any clots, and what’s the problem anyway, I’ve lived with this for 41 years, what’s the difference now?? Doctors sometimes…not great bedside manners. I tried to explain to her that this is indeed big news and that living with a time bomb in my chest makes me ever so slightly uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sympathetic. Oh well, I guess, if you perform open heart surgery every day, you get a bit blasee about a tiny teeny hole. Let’s just hope they never find one in your septum, love.

So, the plan is, that they want to review me in July to see if they can close this thing. Problem is that the nhs stopped funding PFO closures (this is the type of hole I have, a Patent Foramen Ovale) in 2016 as they were deemed as “too risky”, eg risks outweighing benefits, which is surprising looking at the rest of Europe and the world, they are fully funded, perhaps walking around with a hole that can let through clots is not considered a risk-free life by the rest of the cariology world, but who knows. Just my luck again! Anyway, I am hoping that they will find a way of closing this so that I can get some sort of closure from the stroke.

I’ll keep you posted and wish you a hearty Auf Wiedersehen for now xx

Breathing in fresh oxygen can only be good, right?!

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